Same Boat, Different Waves: Silent Loneliness in Team Spirit

Being in a team might sounds like a cool, motivative or integrated thing. Going on a road all together, moving forward together to the same goal together… But what if everyone is on that ship, and you're in another wave? What if you're standing still while the team moves forward, or sinking in from the inside out?

Loneliness is not just a physical distance; it is an invisible emptiness that is sometimes felt in the most crowded environments.

That thinking made me write this blog post or for me, a letter with no receiver. Sometimes thinking like this makes you feel like eating inside out. But you can’t actually stop thinking like this. There's always this feeling inside you and it's getting bigger and mightier. So let’s get on to talk about what is inside me or who realizes when they read this.

1.The Ship’s Crew and being in the Crew

It differs from entering into a room versus attaining space within that room. Likewise, there could exist a fundamental disconnect between membership on a team versus truly "feeling as though belonging" Appropriately to said team.

At other times you involve yourself in a team, hello's are directed toward you, your name becomes familiar, even take a break together for a coffee. But you still feel from the inside out that you're not quite there. Like you're there as a body, and your soul is behind you by one step. You can't engage in dialogue, your voice will tremble when you say an idea, or you'd just rather not say it at all. Because you feel you won't be heard, or you won't be seen. And then, suddenly, loneliness begins right among people.

Belonging is being more than part of a group. Belonging; from a glance, wordless approval, someone said, "What do you think?" he thinks through the warmth that occurs when he asks. Belonging blossoms with a sense of trust. And trust is established in action, not in words.

When the majority of people say "teamwork", they are only thinking of the production part of the job. Who does what, when. But teaming is not just working together; teaming is also falling together, thinking together and shutting up together when the time is required. If the team space is not opened up within the team, individuals close down to themselves. And this silence unfortunately makes an individual feel useless in the long term.

Sometimes it is almost like belonging when a person merely says, "What do you think about this?" he starts. A small sentence dispels an enormous loneliness. And one really feels that he is there at the time.

2.Everyone Has A Different Storm

Although being together seems to mean moving towards one destination, we each really do have different internal hurricanes. Even if you think you are on the same road outside, your travels within are different. We are all on the same boat, but half of us are battling the sea, half are battling the winds.

As you walk through the team, the way some of them are projected on the outside is firmer and happier than you ever imagined. When the whole team is stuck on a problem collectively, that person solves and offers contributions nearly without trying. But one step back, that individual is probably fighting an interior emptiness. He may feel lost. Maybe when he's laughing with a crowd outside, he's trying to hide the nervousness he has inside, feeling isolated.

And you. you are fighting war with yourself too. Maybe no one understands. Maybe you don't even fit on the team so well. When everyone else near you is charging ahead, your own walls in here are retarding you. "How am I going to catch up like that?" you're thinking, but there isn't anyone listening for your words. And you're smiling outside, but inside, the hurricane is increasing second by second.

While all the members of the team look at each other, there is a veiled truth: all are on the brink of a psychological collapse but refuse to utter a word. No one is ready to put the emotional burden on the team. Because that contradicts the fear of seeming weak. Everyone seems to be showing off their strength and endurance, but actually there is a struggle that nobody really cares about, that he is fighting alone. And this struggle is largely a solo journey.

But here one thing is quite important: the storm need not be outside, but at times within us. The outer role of being a team member at times makes a human being overlook his inside person.. While we expect to conquer the challenges together as a team, at times we forget that each one of us goes through this storm at different rates and in different ways.

Some heal quicker, adjust quicker. But some emotionally pull back at each minor problem. While they run towards goals together, there is something that every one of them is lost in: their own emotional needs. We forget this the majority of the time. Because we are under pressure to be on the team, to be hardened on the outside.

But the truth is: every storm comes to an end eventually. Loneliness, pessimism and loss are also transient feelings. The strength of a team not only grows by staying together, but also by embracing each other's inner storms. Because at the end of the day, everyone may be having a different fight on their hands, but as a team, we can conquer this fight together. When we are lonely, perhaps we should talk to one another. A soft "I'm here" is all it takes to make the first step.

3. The Truth Behind the Masks

One of the most invisible aspects of teamwork is that sometimes people only greet each other on the surface with their identities. Working together, sharing success, achieving goals. these are the common ground of teams. But the deepest truth is that each one has to find some balance between the identity he presents outward and the reality he lives Decently in his inner world. And at times the balance is so precarious that wearing the mask within becomes obligatory.

In a group, all members are meant to look strong and sturdy. To be "weak" or "in need of assistance" can be considered some sort of shortcoming in one's head. So, people, even at their weakest point, feel a sense of obligation to look strong, positive and problem-solving from the outside. They hide their current emotional collapse, fatigue, worry or loneliness inside. Being a member of a team sometimes involves wearing masks.

Being behind the mask is a way of not just appearing, but also of carrying burdens emotionally. I feel fine, it's okay" is the only thing with which you can support the team, however hard you are at that time. But gradually, it becomes too much to bear this mask. Weakness within you builds up gradually. One day you begin to think that this mask is not you anymore. Once you begin to feel like that, hollowness inside sets in. Because the person appearing strong on the surface feels hollow inside.

Assisting each other in some teams becomes more than about performance. Real assistance starts with removing the masks. Genuine bonding really comes from sharing vulnerabilities. Being able to show each other our "weak" sides provides real solidarity. Yet this does not get seen. Because everyone wears a mask, show only their strengths and get frazzled to help others.

Masks, though, are not just a defense we show the world but also the way we defend. Sometimes beneath the mask, we do not know who we are anymore. The daily smiling in the same way, giving in the same way, being tough in the same way, dulls our real self with time. Our inner self must struggle with the personae on the outside. In your case, loneliness becomes even more profound because no one sees the real you.

Even in a team where team bonding is good, people may leave each other alone. Because no one wants to explore anyone's wells of emotion. Everyone is entitled to wear masks, but the masks hide how lonely people are, how many inner wars they are waging. Behind the masks, each and every one of them wages some sort of war on their own path. But no one, no matter how powerful the masks are, pays attention to these wars. And that is when he takes a step back, eases away silently.

What is lacking most in a team is being a real human being. I want someone to pull off your mask and say, "How are you really?" for him to inquire, to desire to glimpse the world behind the mask, this is the moment to establish a true bond. Because true bonds are established on the acceptance of the vulnerabilities within. It can be seen with one another in a team not only through your play, but emotionally, but only through honest dialogue.". If everyone just continues to stare at each other with masks, there will be no harmony whatsoever in the team. When everybody is trying to be strong and flawless, something most precious gets lost: Humanity.

These three parts was the description of the journey from me to myself. I want to end my letter by giving some advice-like things. But you may think that who am I to give advice to you. I am just a man of faith in my own. So firstly, I want to say that be curious, not judgmental. Ask about people who are near you be curious about them, it can make you even more closer to each other and strengthen the crew’s bound between.

Second, don’t be afraid to believe in people. Belief… The most important thing in the life… No matter what happens believe in people around you. They are here for you.

Thank you all for reading. I believe you have what it takes to live a life in a way you wanted but if not…

See you in another life brothers and sisters.

Written by

Enes Pehlivan